Wendy takes on...

...the blopic of the day and wins! (or just muses)

Sunday, February 16, 2003

 
...duct tape.

That one day I, Wendy, would do anything other than sing the praises of duct tape, should be unthinkable. I have spent inordinate amounts of time defending my oft-repeated statement that "duct tape can do anything." I have used it to hem my suit, fix my car, patch a leaky canoe, bind an injured joint, keep the raindrops from falling on my head in a rickety old loft where I used to sleep, keep Hunta virus-carrying rodents out of my clothes closet, create signage for selling caramel fortune apples at a Grateful Dead show -- I could go on forever. I keep duct tape in my car, my home and my backpack. I am armed with duct tape at virtually all times.

Never in my wildest duct-taping dreams, would I have imagined duct tape to be the first/last line of defense against foreign aggressors. I'm sorry, inventors and producers of duct tape, no one loves your product more than I do. However, at one billion dollars a day the United States Department of Defense should be able to offer something a little better.

The Federal Government of the United States of America has one clear objective. One. Few people would dispute the fact that the U.S. Government has this mandate: "To provide for the common defense."

I do not agree with the methods of tax collection currently employed in the United States. But if you're going to force a woman to fork over one-third of every hard-earned paycheck, using the excuse that the money she has created with her mind and her own two hands is taken for her own good, to protect her and her way of life, you'd damn well better offer something better than advice to use her sheet plastic and duct tape not to weatherize her lake cabin before she leaves it for the winter, but to shield her home from terrorist attacks!

When did "to provide for the common defense" become "to dole out useless advice for individuals to defend themselves"?

If you do not think that the United States Government uses force to collect taxes, ask the folks at Kmart whether armed federal agents walked into their stores and seized money from cash registers when Kmart was disputing an IRS claim that they owed money in back taxes in 1997.

On the bright side, the American gene pool might improve a bit as the really stupid people suffocate themselves in their closets.
Wendy 10:13 AM